Kaiser Chronicles
by themainbaneofbanes
Summary: In a universe where good and evil are two forces that fight to protect a balance, and only people of pure chaos are the only true threats, there is a man who goes to a school for heroes. His name is Kai. Join him on this "coocoo for cocoa puffs" adventure of his that will lead to endless supplies of shenanigans. There will be some cursing. And a lot of characters will be kinda OOC.
1. Childrens Card Games & The War On Pants

**Greetings. I go by many names. Sometimes I go by themainbaneofbanes. Somtimes I am called SuperZombieGodKaiser. And other times I am just some guy you never heard of. But all of that aside, this is my first time uploading anything to this site. After much talking to people and a friend, I have finally decided to upload. So enjoy. If you don't enjoy it, then that's fine.**

**But regardless, I give you my first upload ever. And it's a crossover. And it stars my character. And it's comedy. So don't take it too seriously.  
**

**The name of this fic is:**

* * *

**Kaiser Chronicles**

**Chapter 1: Childrens Card Games, And The War On Pants.**

**Characters That Appear  
**

**MC: Kaiser "Kai" Wayne Odinson (Dragon Ball Z OC who I can imagine being voiced by Takahata101's Bardock voice)**

**Jaden Yuki (Yu-Gi-Oh GX)**

**Syrus Truesdale (Yu-Gi-Oh GX)**

**Scooby Doo (From Scooby Doo of course)**

**Mio Sakamoto (Strike Witches)**

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**It was a dark and stormy, mundane as crap, day at "Screw The Rules We Have Money" academy for heroes and people aiming to be heroes. In this school there is one man. No. One alien man. His name is Kaiser Wayne Odinson. Or Kai for short. Would he be considered an ordinary man? Hell no. He's an inbreed beastly combination of two separate alien races. Saiyan and Kryptonian. And he was raised by Odin the All Father and made into an honorary Asgardian god. As of now, he seems to be in his dorm room with his two best friends, Jaden Yuki and Syrus Truesdale. And for your information, Kai is 5'11 and is about 122 lbs.**

"Alright, so let's get this straight. We're dueling, right now. Right? Jaden?" Said a spikey haired individual that had black hair that was as spiky as Sonic The Hedgehog's fur. He was clothed in a custom short sleeved black suit with a red dress shirt and black undershirt.

"Yes, we're dueling. Why else would there be two Duel Monsters decks sitting in front of you? I know you never dueled before dude, but come on." said a teenager looking to be about 15-16 years of age, dressed in a red and white blazer.

"Then shouldn't we be making bets or something?" Said Kai with a pondering look.

"But what point would it be to make bets on a children's card game" Said a young boy in the same red and white blazer as he chose to join in on the conversation.

Kai took in a breath and exhaled as he proclaimed in an over the top tone "WHERE'S THE DAMN FUN IN A GAME WITH NO RISK SYRUS!"

"Chill out dude! God. If you wanna make a bet or something I'll be happy to oblige. Just tell me what the conditions are." Said Jaden as he asked for clarification on the bet at hand.

"Alright then" Said Kai with a mischievous grin of amusement on his face. "Let's get to it then. Don't puss out when I tell you".

Jaden breathed in a little and then said "Alright. Tell us whats' gonna happen"

"For each monster someone destroys, the opposing player is gonna take this old spiked English flail and smash it on their nut sack. How's that for a condition!?" Exclaimed Kai as he said with a look of eagerness.

" What the fuck is wrong with you, man!" Said Jaden as a look of fear and disgust swelled on his face. "That's not ever going to work! Not everyone is a Saiyan, Kryptonian god from Asgard like you!"

"Oh. Well. Fuck me." said Kai as a look of annoyance came over Kai's facial expression.

**As Kai got up off the floor he began to reach into his pocket to pull out his phone. As he readied it, he began to angrily dial a number with that same look of annoyance on his face. The phone began to ring, and Jaden and Syrus both looked at Kai with confusion on their faces. Finally someone answers. It was Kai's adoptive father Odin.**

"Dad?" Asked Kai. "Do you remember that time you told me that I'm just like everyone else?"

"Yes. I do remember that. What about it?" Odin asked his son.

Kai took in a deep breath and prepared himself for something dramatic "Well... YOU LIED TO ME DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" Yelled a furiuous Kai who probably needed to take some kind of medication if he got that pissed off over something like that.

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As he ended his mighty yell of anger over his father's blatant lie to him, the room began to quiet down.

"Uhh... Can anyone hear anything!?" Asked Jaden as he struggled to get to get a grip on reality.

As Syrus got his back off the floor he asked "What!? What did you say!?" in a pained voice.

**It took about 5 minutes for their hearing to be restored. Good thing that injuries heal quickly in this school. No one in this school stays injured or dead. Lucky them. Afterwards they began to ponder once more what a good bet would be for anyone who loses a monster during this lunatics version of a children's card game.**

"Alright, let's go with this then. All we have to do each time we lose a monster is...Uhh...Take a bite of these stale ass...Scooby Snacks...I stole from that dog who lives next door" Proclaimed Kai as he struggled to find things to use as conditions.

As Kai and the others agree on whether or not to use the Scooby Snacks condition, a familiar figure next door is in a fit of rage, asking "WHERE DA RUCK RAHR MRY ROOBY RACKS!"

Finally they begin to duel after agreeing on the condition, and the duel goes on for a good 30 minutes. They both start off with 4000 life points, and they are in the home stretch now, with Jaden having 2000 life points and Kai at 1400. Kai had one face down and readied another.

"So now I throw down a face down. And flip summon Total Defense Shogun in attack mode and have him put into defense position. And I'll have him attack your Avian. End my turn." Said Kai as he readied his nigh impenetrable monster card.

As Jaden glared at Kai he said "I see what you did there! Stealing one of my catch phrases. I'll avenge myself by bringing back Avian with call of the haunted! And now I'll fuse the fucker with my Bustinatrix and make Flame Wingman! Now I'll juice the guy up with some A grade steroids by attaching Axe Of Despair to em! Now he's gonna rip your Shogun a new asshole!

As Jaden launched his attack on Kai with the utmost confidence, his confidence was shattered when Kai revealed his face down cards.

"And I activate Enchanted Javelin and Ring Of Destruction! Now I destroy your Wingman. And you lose 3100 LP" Proclaimed Kai in a very triumphant tone. So triumphant that we are the champions could probably be heard in the background. Even if no one is actually playing it.

"... Oh, fuck you." An annoyed Jaden said as his prized monster was destroyed and turned into rubble. Figuratively speaking. As it's not like they're playing on duel disks. That would ruin the room.

As the two finished dueling, Syrus was overcome with a look of worry on his face. "Do you get the feeling something bad is about to happen?" Asked a worried Syrus.

"Like what? What could possibly happen here in this place?" Asked Kai as he said that with a look of doubt on his face.

"Yeah. This place is safer than a bomb shelter laced with lead and made of adamantium. Most of the time." Said Jaden.

As Syrus got up to look out the window he asked "Well, what if...Oh I don't know...Like a massive attack on society from villains? One that will lead to a massive mass genocide of epic proportions that not even a Super-Mecha-Hitler combined with a Super Saiyan Mr. Popo could produce? One like the world has never laid it's bare naked eyes upon ever before?"

"You're just imagining things. Nothing THAT bad will happen. And besides. I've seen and met Mr. Popo. He ain't that bad a guy." Proclaimed Kai as he rebuffed Syrus's statement based on his own personal experience.

"But... Isn't he like supposed to be one of the most evil beings in this galaxy?" Asked Jaden with a look filled with doubt at what Kai had just said.

"Like I said. Not that bad. Especially if he's chosen to be on this planet and not from some other more easily frightened mesh of a planet that crawls with delightful puppets to instill immense fear into." Kai had proclaimed with the utmost confidence.

All of a sudden a large crash was heard from the outside and a blood like substance splattered all over the dorm rooms window.

"What the hell was that!?" yelled Kai.

"I don't know and I don't think I should even give a flying fuck" Proclaimed Jaden as he didn't want to bother with whatever crazy catastrophe might be going on outside.

As Kai got up from the floor he asked "What the fuck is there to scared shitless of when we have alien powers?" then Kai said "That's you, an alien. And me with supernatural Asgardian, Saiyan, Kryptonian powers."

"What about me dicks!? I don't have powers!" Yelled Syrus angrily as he popped a damn blood vessel.

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah nobody gives a shit Syrus. A guy like you would have to worry more about swirlies with dookie still in the toilet" Proclaimed Jaden . "Compared to worrying about some evil demon or killer on the loose." Jaden said as he talked down to Syrus.

Kai then got his hands on the knob of the door and procliamed "Then let's check it out ya pussies!"

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**And so our hero Kai and his friends go off to find whatever might have caused such a violent sight as the blood on the window. As they walked down to the 1st floor Syrus began to ponder whether everything would be alright. His panties were in a bunch.**

"Do you think everything's gonna be alright? What do you think is gonna happen? A ghost is gonna show up? A slasher film killer? OR Mr. POPO!" Yelled Syrus as he struggled not to piss his pants.

"Im gonna break your face if you don't shut up!" Yelled Kai as he angrily attempted to silence Syrus's constant whining.

But then Jaden pondered and asked "What did we come out here for again?"

"I don't know? I forgot." Kai said.

**THEY HAD COMPLETELY FORGOT WHAT THEY CAME OUT FOR!? YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!? I know I'm the narrator so I should know this stuff, but even I didn't think they'd forget something like that. But just as they were conversing, a mysterious sword wielding figure appeared out of thje sky, screaming a yell that sounded like it came right out of a samurai movie, smashing the blade on the ground! The group was quite startled by this sudden apperance. As the figure got up from the ground it began to speak. It was a woman.**

"I still couldn't get my Reppuzan to work" Said the mysterious woman. She didn't look average. She wore what looked like a white military uniform... Without pants. Eww. She then began to talk to our heroes.

"Greetings fellow sapiens! My name is Major Mio Sakamoto of the Strike Witches club!" Proclaimed Mio. "And I humbly request that you in the name of true freedom, join me and my comrades in the war on pants! It's a once in a lifetime chance for males to join us!"

"The... War on what now?" Asked Kai with a look of utter disgust and surprise on his face.

Mio then raised her sword to the sky and yelled "THE WAR ON PANTS!"

"Sakamoto was it? Why are you not wearing any pants? If you're looking for the nut house it's right down the road." Said Kai as he pointed in the opposite direction.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I like your sense of humor friend! You'll like our other members!" said Mio as she laughed her ass off.

"I don't think this broads messing around with us guys" Syrus said with a look of worry and doubt enveloping on his face "I've heard about this crazy club. Apparently if you deny her request she'll stalk you for as long as it takes you to graduate from this school. And considering how we don't age and how the average years here range from 10-20, it's pretty bad."

"Alright fine. We'll go with this broad for now" said Kai. They then turned to approach Mio.  
"Alright. If we join for a little while will you promise to leave us alone?"

Mio then took in a breath and spoke "Oh but of course. I always respect personal space. Well...Mostly."

* * *

**And so our heroes go off to some crazy club they never heard about until today, and they hope that things don't turn south. Tune in next time to find out what will happen to these nutcases in the next chapter.**


	2. Dealing With Your Own Mortality Part 1

**Well, here's chapter 2. I hope you enjoy it. Cause I know I enjoyed writing it. Remember and keep in mind that this is for comedic purposes. So if you think you should try and take the story more seriously that you need to, don't blame me if you don't get a serious tone out of it in the end. Only very few times will a chapter end on serious notes. And for this kind of story, expect there to be chapter SERIES that somtimes might be more serious than others. But all in all it's meant to be a laughing experience.**

* * *

**Kaiser Chronicles **

**Chapter 2: Dealing With Your Own Mortality Part 1  
**

**Characters That Appear**

**MC: Kaiser "Kai" Wayne Odinson (Dragon Ball Z OC who I can imagine being voiced by Takahata101's Bardock voice)**

**Jaden Yuki (Yu-Gi-Oh GX)**

**Syrus Truesdale (Yu-Gi-Oh GX)**

**Mio Sakamoto (Strike Witches)**

**Minna-Dietlinde Wilcke (Strike Witches)**

**Loki (Marvel)**

**Thor (Marvel)**

**Odin (Marvel)**

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**Last time on Kaiser Chronicles *insert random recap theme*, our heroes Kai, Jaden, and Syrus had a duel with children's card games. Then something creepy happened and they went to check it out. On the way they forgot all about it. Idiots. They then got ambushed by a crazed recruiter for some club that's usually only for females. Why? I don't know. Even if I did I'm not telling you. Go find out why for yourself.**

As they walked their merry... Well not so merry asses off, they finally arrived to their destination. It appeared to be a large club room adorned with some very nice looking antique vases and a 90 inch plasma screen TV and a chandelier on the ceiling. "What the fuck!? This is your club room!?" Asked Kai with a look of awe on his face "Since when did this school start giving a damn about club budgets!?"

"Welcome to the Strike Witches club room gentlemen!" said Mio as she welcomed the three of them with an open mind.

**However; Some were not so open.**

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU BRING THESE SIMPLETON MEN HERE MIO!?" Said a very angry woman with orange hair.

"Easy Minna! These are new recruits. Times are getting desperate after all." Said Mio as she tried to calm down her friend. She then turned to our heroes and spoke

"Sorry about that gentlemen! This is commander Minna-Dietlinde Wilcke. She is a member of this Strike Witches club and our founding member. And a raging feminist who can't stand the sight of men after her boyfriend cheated on her!"

"Understandable. But call me a simpleton again and I'll infinite mass punch you straight into next dimension. Old chum." Said Kai with a fierce look of silent anger on his face.

"This is gonna be bad" Jaden thought to himself "Worse than that time I had to cover for Syrus shitting his pants in class"

As Mio introduced the rest of the club she then turned to Kai and said "I beesech you to accept our offer to join this club. times are getting desperate. What with the Neruoi club actively fighting us. What with their pant's loving faces."

Kai then looked at Mio and asked "I've been meaning to ask this, but what on Earth is the purpose of this coocoo club?"

"Good thing you asked us that!" Said Mio with an eager look on her face "This club is a very special club. It was started in order to advocate true freedom through the discarding of all pants like items! And we normally have the belief that only women can achieve this utopia for everyone. The only pants we allow though are tight ones that show off someone's figure!"

"Right. And what's this Neruoi club you mentioned?" Asked Kai.

"They are an evil club that works to clad anything in shorts or pants! They have no sense of true freedom!" Said Mio "But lately they have been going even further out of their way to fight us. Now they've been sending death threats to."

"I suppose they're the big reason you need us?" Kai asked as he pondered as to why they would all of a sudden add male members to a usually female only club.

"Yes. We heard about Kai over here and the stories about his strength." Said Mio "They say that you're so strong that if you were to take a shit on the principals desk, that the principal would ignore it and walk away! They say that you're so strong that when you hit the ground with your fist, not only does the planet shake, but everyone's booty begins to quake!"

"As absurd as that sounds, I can't ignore... that my gifts are a more than average." Kai said with a sterned look.  
"Does this mean that you want me to beat em up for ya?"

"That would be the case. We need some protection as they possess greater numbers that us. So we need someone who can take down large numbers." Mio said. She then looked at Kai with a look of confidence and stated "We'll pay you of course. How much would you charge?"

"Why don't you leave that to me." Said Jaden as he walked up to Mio. "Judging on how you have such a nice looking budget going on, I'd say you would owe us... 550,000 school credits."

Mio then jumped up in a fit of panic and yelled "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!? WE CAN'T PAY THAT!"

"Well then, I guess you could pay in other ways" Said Jaden.

"Yeah... You could pay in some... Personal favors..." Syrus said. But quicker than that, Kai knocked the shit out of the two perverts.

"I think we're done here. If you can't pay the money then don't bother with it. You should just report it or something. What could they do, that could prevent that?" Asked Kai.

"They have someone very powerful working with them." Mio had said with a look of dread on her face "He is a man oh so mischievous. He's tricked us time and time again! His name is... Loki"

As soon as Kai had heard the name, he took a deep breath and prepared to speak... "THAT FUCKING SHIT SUCKING-BALL GLOMPING-ANAL WASTE OF SPACE! HOW DARE HE SHOW HIS ASS-GARDIAN FACE! THE NERVE OF THAT TRAITOROUS POWER-WHORE OF A GOD! Okay. Now it's fucking personal. You've got yourself a deal. Just tell me where to find this club room"

But everyone was too shocked by his sudden burst of rage to even speak out. "Alright fine. I'll find it myself." Said Kai as he took his two friends with him.

After about an hour of searching through unnecessary, and somewhat violent, interrogations of innocent students, our heroes have finally made their way to the Neruoi club room.

"Well, we're finally here." Said Syrus "How do you suppose we go in? Do we knock?"

"Nope"

**And suddenly, Kai pulled out a box of C4 and strapped it to the door. He BLASTED the door open and as he made his way through he pulled out a gun, not that he needed one, and began a shameless parody of Call Of Duty. As Kai shot each and every club member a couple of times, there was only one left to shoot. But this time it was for interrogation.**

"Alright, my ugly little friend, tell where Loki is and I won't have to shoot ya. I know it hurts so just make it easy on yourself and tell me." Said Kai in an overly frightening tone.

The frightened club member prepared to open his mouth and spoke "He's... He's right behind you."

Kai then quickly turned himself to face his rear and to his surprise a man clad in gold, green, and black had shown up behind him! But before he could do anything he was zapped with a strange device.

"How do you like that, my forsaken little brother!? How does it feel to have your power sapped from you like a vacuum to a dirty carpet!?" said Loki.

Kai had never felt so weak before. The device used had sapped him of most of his strength and powers. He had dropped to the ground on a knee.

"That's right! Kneel before me, as you always should be!" Loki said as he laughed uncontrollably at the sight of his enemy fallen to the ground.

Kai rose, barely able to stand and said "Wha... What did you do to me... You prick!?"

"Oh not much. Just zap all of your powers away! You can thank the one and only Lex-Fucking-Luthor for the device I used to seal away your alien might!" Said Loki with a voice filled with confidence "I judge that you are about as strong as a peak human now. You're lucky your Asgardian magic allowed for that!"

"Why the hell did you even do this!? What did Kai ever do to you!?" Asked Syrus as he questioned the Asgardian gods purpose here.

Loki's face then swelled with rage "AS IF YOU COULD EVER UNDERSTAND MY HATRED YOU BLUE HAIRED SHRIMPY PIECE OF SHIT!" Screamed Loki as he angrily began to explain "He did something so horrible. So horrible indeed! When we were kids... HE BOUGHT THE LAST PACK OF POKEMON CARDS AT CHARLIE'S TRADING CARD SHOP, AND IT HAD CHARIZARD IN IT!"

Suddenly, a look of pity came over Jaden and Syrus faces as they couldn't believe someone would lose his shit like this, over something so trivial.

"Ta-Ta" Said Loki as he waved his hand in a gesture resembling the kind that would be used to tell someone good bye.

Kai barely managed to regain some stamina after that and rose back up to his feet with the help of Jaden.

"Damn bro. I can see why you would hate this guy. But what did he do to get on your bad side to begin with. Who even is this guy?" Asked Jaden as he carried Kai over to a bench in the middle of the park area of the school.

"He's Loki. Asgard's very own god of mischief." Said Kai as he told his story "A while ago before coming to this school, about 3 years ago when I was 15, I was brothers with that son of a bitch. And he did something so terrible I could never forgive him."

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_**FLASHBACK POV**_

* * *

It is the day of the crowning of the new king of asgard, Thor. As the people rejoice there is an evil plot in the mix.

"Brother Kai, how doth one such as yourself do this fine and most glorious of days?" Said a man dressed in black garments and a red cape with blonde flowing hair.

"Uhh fine Thor. How about you? And please don't use that old dialect. You've gotta get with the times" Said a 15 year old Kai wearing what looked like black and red armor over black leather pants and a long sleeved leather shirt.

"Very well brother Kai. I am doing wonderful. I am soon to be crowned the new king of Asgard. And I have the one thing that makes it all better. My Mc'nuggets from Mc'donalds!"

"I see. Be sure you enjoy those."

"Oh I will. I'm saving them for the coronation. I haven't even opened the box. And I do hope that you enjoy being the new chosen wielder of the mighty weapon I wield currently. Mjölnir!"

"OH SHIT FOR REALZ BRO!?"

"Yes! You are the only one that I know besides myself and father who has been proven worthy to wield such might. And I must get used to using Gungnir the kings mighty spear after all."

"You are the best bro a bro could ever have bro."

**As Kai and Thor said their goodbyes for now, Loki could be seen behind a door looking at both with a mischievous smile adorned on his face. Finally. The hour of the coronation arrives.**

As Thor walks up to his father sitting in the throne, his father stands to greet his son and speaks "And so on this day I crown my son Thor to be the new king of our glorious Asgard! May Asgard prosper for many years to come!"

"Thank you father! I will promise to be a wise king! And to celebrate my coronation I will consume these delicious MC... What's this!? MY MC'NUGGETS ARE GONE!"

The crowd had burst into a loud gasp as Thor's delicious snack was nowhere to be found. Thor's face swelled with unbelievable rage as he pondered who might have taken them!

"WHO DARES TO STEAL THESE GOLDEN CRISPY TREATS OF MINE!? LOKI!? WAS IT YOU WHO DID THIS!?"

"Umm... No! I-I-It wasn't me! It was Kai who did it!"

"YOU LIE!"

"No! Look! I even found a Mc'nugget in his pocket!" Said Loki as he pulled out a Mc'nugget that he planted into Kai's pocket.

"Oh, what the fuck!? You bitch, you put that in there!?"

"GASP! Brother Kai! This cannot be! How could you!?" Said an enraged Thor.

"Oh you gotta be kidding me! You're actually gonna believe this clown!?"

"Silence! I will not be fooled. It pains me to do this but... I cannot give you Mjolnir after all that has transpired here today." Said Thor with a look of sorrow on his face.

Loki then looked at Kai and gave a delighted look at Kai while silently snickering his trollish laugh to him.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Thought Kai as he angrily watched his evil brother walk up to a sobbing Thor.

"Come brother Thor. Eat this last Mc'nugget I confiscated from this Heathen here."

"Sniff... Thank you... brother Loki."

**And from that day onward Thor could never get over his missing Mc'nuggets and Loki still fools him to this day.**

* * *

_**Return To Present Day POV.**_

* * *

"And now you see why I hate him." Said Kai as he finished his story.

"That is one fucked up, weird story bro." Jaden said as he tried to gather his thoughts and comprehend the massive ludicrousness of such a story.

"So now what? We wanted Loki but now he's gone?" Said syrus as he sat next to Kai.

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ALRIGHT! Let's... Let's just leave for now..."

"Alright..." Said Syrus and Jaden as they felt sorry their now weakened friend.

**And so our defeated heroes left back to Kai's dorm room where they attempted to gather their thoughts and find out what to do about this whole crazy as dog shit situation.**

"What now?" Asked Jaden.

"I have to make a call to someone. Only one person can help me out with this now. As much as it pains me to do this I need his help."

"Who do ya think he's calling, Jaden?" Asked Syrus.

"I don't know who th fuck he'd be calling for this!"

As Kai managed to get someone on the phone, he began to speak in a much more formal and less volatile tone.

"H-Hello? Uncle Bruce?"

"Who the hell is uncle Bruce?" Asked Jaden and Syrus.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't like it when I call you that. But I need your help uncle Batman."

* * *

**As soon as Kai had said that, both Syrus and Jaden got a look of shock on their faces. What relation does Kai have to the legendary Caped Crusader, the Dark Knight? Is he really Kai's uncle? Or is he something else? Find out next time in chapter 3.**


	3. Dealing With Your Own Mortality Part 2

**I think this chapter has a lot more words than the last two. So this one will take longer to read. I hope you enjoyed reading this (If you did) because I sure as hell loved writing this. And remember. This "coocoo for cocoa puffs" adventure is not exactly for everyone. So if you didn't like this chapter or even the last two, then just remember that I'm only human. I can only try to do better. They say there is no try. But the only thing you can ever start to do is try. Just doing it is for geniuses. And I am no genius.**

* * *

**Kaiser Chronicles**

**Chapter 3: Dealing With Your Own Mortality Part 2**

**Characters That Appear**

**MC: Kaiser "Kai" Wayne Odinson (Dragon Ball Z OC who I can imagine being voiced by Takahata101's Bardock voice)**

**Jaden Yuki (Yu-Gi-Oh GX)**

**Syrus Trusedale (Yu-Gi-Oh GX)**

**Bruce Wayne (The Dark Knight Returns version voiced by peter weller)**

**Lady Shiva (DC Comics)**

* * *

**Last time on Kaiser Chronicles *Insert random recap theme* our heroes went to stop the Neruoi Club from causing trouble, what with their pants worshipping asses. We also found out why Kai hates Loki. As they arrived however; They were in for a surprise when the mighty god of mischief Loki had played a cruel trick on them. Kai was zapped by a device produced by Lex Luthor that drained him of most of his alien powers. Now he's only peak human. He just got his mary sueish ass handed to em by a puny god! And now he's looking to the one and only Batman for help. How can rich man Bruce Wayne be of help? Find out for yourself. Lazy ass.**

* * *

"Look. As much as it pains me to do this, I need your help for this" Kai said as a pained expression curled up onto his face.

"And would you mind filling me in on what exactly you need help with?" Said Bruce.

"My... My powers are gone" Said Kai "And now I'm only at peak human"

The moment Bruce heard that, a delightful smile came upon his face "I knew one day fate would see to it to bring you to me like this" Said Bruce.

"what the fuck do you mean!? You knew this would happen!?" Yelled a furious Kai.

"Maybe. I might have a few friends who heard that Loki was planning something like this a few years back" Said Bruce

"Well fuck you to!"

"Look, just come to my manor and we'll talk about it later. See you when you get here"

"Hey wait, don't you hang up on me you old bony fuck!"

Bruce proceeded to hang up on Kai. Kai then smashed his phone on the ground and proceeded to stomp the shit out of it. Poor phone.

"So what the fuck dude!? How the fuck do you know the legendary dark knight!?" Asked a confused Syrus.

"Yeah bro! That's not something you should hide from us! We could have been kissing his ass and getting lots of money in return if we knew that!" Said Jaden as he furiously raged over such a secret being kept.

"FINE! YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE I KNOW HIM FROM!?" Asked Kai.

"Yeah!" Said both Jaden and Syrus in perfect unison.

"Well about a couple years back, when I was 13, there were a few legal complications with me being Odins son. So I had to live with uncle Bruce for about 2 years. This of course was 5 years ago just before his retirement and when it became public knowledge that he was the Batman"

"Why do you call him uncle Bruce then? Isn't he your dad to?"

"Yes. But he hates being called dad and uncle. The only way I can call him uncle is if I call him uncle Batman."

"Why don't you just call him Bruce them? Wouldn't that make it better?"

"I want the old bastard to feel as old as he is."

"Now that's just cruel man. So why go to him anyways?"

"Because he's the best guy at training people to deal with being human and still able to kick ass. That's why. He wouldn't train me before... All because I was too powerful to be Batman he said." Said Kai as he annoyingly stated the reasoning behind his apparent denial of training.

"But now he'll do it?" Asked Syrus.

"I assume so. But I hope he can just insta-fix this problem with some new invention or something. I'm going to have to get a plane ticket. I'll see you two around. I'm heading back to my dorm. Oh yeah. One more thing" Said Kai as he headed back into the Neruoi club room.

"What do you want..." Said a fearful Neruoi club member as he curled up on the ground in fear.

"I may not have my powers, but I'm still good enough to kick your asses" Said Kai with a face that's demanding respect and attention "So even if the Strike Witches club is full of people who are total freaks who need to be put into arkham for not wearing any pants and whatnot, that doesn't mean you can threaten death to them. Plus it wouldn't make a difference since no one who's a hero or villain dies in this universe. Not unless you can attack their souls. And I doubt a pathetic lot like you could manage those techniques since they're forbidden by law."

" Yeah but that wasn't us. That was Loki! He thought that you'd get involved in this if they were being threatened!" Said a Neruoi club member.

Syrus then asked "But why them? Couldn't he have chosen something else? Like kidnapping a friend of his?"

"He likes to be mischievous. Don't blame us for him wanting to choose the most bullshit method to get your attention. It worked though."

"Yes it did. And now I have to get my life back on track" Said Kai "I think we've made our point. Let's get out of here."

**And so our heroes left to go to Kai's dorm room. Kai then sat down at his computer to go online and buy a plane ticket. But as soon as he got on, he noticed someone was using his computer.**

"Yo. Were you two using my computer before without my permission?" Asked Kai.

"Maybe..." Said Jaden

"Well according to my history, you went from looking for... . You also went looking for... German Mail Order Brides, a DVD called spin those hoes, a website called , and... how to make Chinese food? Seriously?"

"What? We gotta learn to cook for ourselves."

"THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT! Oh whatever. Imma scan this computer for viruses and then look for a ticket..." Kai said as he hurried to keep his computer clean of porn viruses and shit like that.

And after scanning and cleaning his computer, he goes online to order the ticket. Unfortunately no airlines were flying to Gotham. And there aren't many people on campus who could fly him there at the moment.

"So who do you think will help us Kai?" Said Syrus.

"Us? You're not coming with me."

"Why the fuck not!?" Yelled Jaden as he boiled with anger.

"You honestly think I'm gonna let you meet this guy!?" Said Kai "He'll tear you pussies apart!"

"BUT ALL THE FUCKING MONEY WE COULD BE GETTING!"

"Fuck no. It's settled. You'll wait here. No matter how long it takes"

"Fine..."

"So who're you gonna hit up?" Said Syrus.

"I'm thinking...I've got it!" Yelled Kai.

"What have you got!?" Asked Jaden.

"MY POD!"

"You're... What now?" Asked a confused Syrus.

"I'm going to use the Saiyan Space Pod that I was given as a birthday gift"

"you... Were given a space pod for your birthday?"

"Yep."

"And you're gonna use this to fly?"

"That's right." Exclaimed Kai "All I have to do is call it here if I can find the old remote that was given to me at birth. Ah! Here it is!"

**And with the remote in hand, Kai headed outside and pressed a few buttons. While Jaden and Syrus looked on to the sky, they noticed a small twinkle in the sky. And then came a small pod that was about as a car with nothing but a spherical shape. It didn't look like it could fly, but here it was.**

"Kai. How the hell is this thing supposed to fly you there when it's got no visible propulsion on it?" Asked a curious Jaden.

"I don't know. Who gives a shit so long as it can fly!? Stop asking so many questions! I'm leaving! See ya later old chums! I might be gone for a long time though"

"Just make sure ya write or something like that! No homo!" Said Syrus as his friend entered the small vehicle.

"Be careful." Said Jaden

"I will. I hope."

A**s soon as Kai had said that, he took off. The pod shot off into the sky. In a matter of seconds he was already 25% of the way to Gotham. It would have been quicker if the pod was in better condition, but at least it gave him enough time to think. As he contemplated how he was going to live through this ordeal without the use of his cherished powers he arrived at his destination. He crashed right in front of Wayne Manor. He then proceeds to walk up to the front gate, and rings a buzzer on the front gate.**

"Well. Here I go. Uncle Bruce... I-I mean... Uncle Batman? Hello? You there?"

"I'm here. I'm opening the gates."

**As Kai walked over to the front door of the manor, an old man dressed like a butler opened the front door. His name was Alfred. He was Wayne Manor's personal and only butler. He proceeded to guide Kai throughout the manor. As Kai walked through, he took notice of all the antique's laid out around the colossal mansion.**

"So Old-man Alfred. What you been up to?" Asked Kai.

"Not very much has been happening as of late master Kaiser"

"Guess it's been a while since I last saw you."

"It has indeed been quite a while. It's been four years since you had left. You were quite a wild card even for a child"

"Well what can I say. I probably have ADHD or something. Or I'm autistic. But I guess you'd have to be autistic to write a story like this."

"Pardon me Master Kaiser? Story?"

"Nothing..."

**Alfred had lead Kai up to a hallway that lead to a study room. As Kai was asked to enter, he took small steps while still letting it sink in how even stepping foot into this manor that belongs to the most angsty, emotionally disturbed man ever, might leave him a changed man.**

"I see you've arrived. Sit down. We have some stuff to discuss" Said an elderly man looking to be about 55 years of age in an synical deadpan tone.

"Well, well, well, uncle Batman. Good to see you're looking... Well aged."

"Just shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down. I know I'm fucking old. Fucking young prick." Bruce said with a voice of annoyance at the comment on his age.

"Fine, whatever."

"So now that you're here tell me. Why do you need my help?"

"Well long story short, Loki from Asgard sealed up most of my powers. Now I'm only peak human. I need your help. I'm pretty much hoping you can help me get them back."

"No."

"... WHY THE FUCK NOT!?" Yelled Kai with a voice of pure rage and confusion.

"As if I would waste my time by passing up on this oppurtunity. I also heard from a friend in Asgard that this might happen. I wanted to confirm this. And now I'm happy to see that my desire has come true. "

"What desire!? I've been victimized by this jackass of a god!"

"I need a successor! I'm getting old. I can't handle all of the physical strain of being Batman for much longer. And I need someone with a Saiyans pride and will power to take over." Said Bruce as a look of pain came over his face at the admittance of his aging body

"You're were a miracle out of what remains of the Saiyan race on top of being born Kryptonian. You were born half Saiyan somehow when realistically that should have been impossible with how the human race has diluted the Saiyan gene. A half blood Saiyan like yourself would have the mental condition to handle the stress even without powers. Even more effectively than any human. And now that you're more human with your powers gone, you'll be a more effective Batman"

"How? The only thing I am now is a useless husk of a man! I'm like a guy who got his damn balls castrated now! "

"With your powers being so powerful you had nothing to fear." Said Bruce "Now that you can fear more effectively, you'll be able to instill fear more effectively."

"How the fuck does that work!?"

"Just roll with it!"

"So you're going to train me to be the new Batman?"

"That's right. Do you have any problems with that?"

"Sigh. If you're not going to help me in any other way then... FUCK YES! I'm out of here!"

"I'll pay you!"

"...What?"

"I'll pay you. You'll get 30% of my annual salary as the new Batman."

"Yeah and what is that supposed to even be! What could you give me that's enough to make me change my mind?"

"Thirty million dollars a year."

"... You got a deal."

"Excellent. Let's start first with a test to see how much of your powers are gone. They'll take at least 4 days depending on how many of your genetic traits have been sealed as well." Said Bruce

"So how exactly are we going to do all of this training and tests in time for me to get back to school? I can't be gone for too long without getting expelled."

"Ever heard of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber?"

"Yes... The chamber where 1 day out in the real world equals 1 year in there?"

"Yes. Well I have my own perfected version of that. The original would only allow for a person to spend two years at a time or you would not be able to exit, and two separate times in one lifetime. With mine you can spend as much time as you want in it."

"And... How exactly did you INVENT something as big as another dimension?"

"Fuck you, that's how. Now let's get going."

**And with that the tests were ran in a lab in the bat-cave. The first of the tests was to see how long it took for a cut on his arm to heal in concentrated sunlight made from a solar generator. It took his arm about 12 hours in direct sunlight to heal, showing that his Kryptonian powers are not all gone. But healing was determined to be the only thing remaining from them. As for his Saiyan powers, he was told to read a book on martial arts maneuvers. In only one time of reading the whole book, he managed to learn them to a decent degree. The only thing about his Saiyan powers they discovered is that he has his Ki mostly sealed. To the point he can only pop out a Ki blast that only travels about 1 Cm from his hands. And he can no longer grow a tail or go Super Saiyan. Afterwards Kai was brought into the chamber for training. There, a woman was waiting for him.**

"Who... Who the hell is this broad?" Asked a curious Kai.

"This is Lady Shiva. The worlds most renowned martial artist. Aside from Goku and Vegeta and some others. She'll assist in the perfecting proccess of your martial arts training"

"Greetings Kai. I am Lady Shiva. With me you will reach perfection. With me you will achieve greatness! Now get ready to get your ass kicked!"

"WHAT!? NOW!?" Asked a fearful Kai as he feared for his life.

"Easy now Shiva. We've got to set some things up first." Said Bruce holding off an eager Shiva.

"What would you need to even set up this training?" Asked Kai.

"We'll need to set up the simulation chamber first. It's a lot like the Pendulum Room in Kami's Lookout that allows one mind to travel to any point in the past without traveling in a typical sense." Replied Bruce.

"How so?"

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I'VE PLANNED!"

"Fine..."

"You'll be spending most of your training here Kai. We'll also have a study room. You'll have to learn more than fighting maneuvers to be worthy of my title. And we'll have a fighting dojo so that you can spar with Shiva. Now let's start"

"... Sigh. Yeah, okay." Kai said with a pained sigh.

**With everything prepared, Kai began his training to succeed Bruce and become the new Batman. Skip past 7 years and we find ourselves at the last stretch of his training. In the 7 years he spent training in the time chamber, he learned everything Bruce could throw at him. Including all his skills in escape artistry, trap making, detective skills, inquisition skills, disguise, Intimidation, weapons, stealth, marksmanship, tracking, mechanics, driving, piloting, strategy, and language skills. He even taught him to be a polymath. And Kai even learned over 127 martial arts styles from over 127 martial arts masters through the use of the pendulum room. Shiva even gave him her patented training for martial arts. Which involved her beating the shit out of him until he could win a fight against her. And they had pounded it into him that Batman must never kill nor use guns. Now there is only one thing left. And this one will be more determined in how much time it would take. For the next year, Kai would be spending his time doing some special training.**

"So uncle Batman. What's next? I've finished everything you could throw at me. I even managed to finally beat Lady Shiva. So now what?" Asked an anxious Kai as he was happy to almost be done with his training. He assumed that the hard part was done.

"Now we have only one thing left to do. And this part could be considered the hardest part." Said Bruce with a slight smirk on his face.

"Yeah right. Harder than that shit!? You're just fuckin with me." Said a defiant Kai as he scoffed at the idea of anything being harder than the hellish training he had just gone through. Especially the training with Lady Shiva. Oh, all those broken bones had to have hurt.

"This one is no laughing matter. Now follow me into the next room."

**Kai quickly hurried along as he followed his mentor to a new area. As he looked around he noticed a strange contraption sitting in the middle. It looked like odd. It looked like a chair. It looked a lot like the kind of inventions that someone like Strange might invent as Kai remembered studying up on in the study room, since Batman must always know of previous villains as well as his new villains.**

"Alright. Now I want you to hop into this chair. We're going to conduct your last training segment with this." Said Bruce as he commanded Kai to enter into the strange device.

"Umm... Okay..." Kai said as he cautiously got into the strange chair adorned with large lamp like devices at the top.

* * *

**Find out next time what kind of training will be going on. Next time, the training will be in full detail. So expect something much more interesting then a time skip.**


	4. Dealing With Your Own Mortality Part 3

**Well... In this chapter, we get into some dark shit. So this one will be a lot more dark and gritty than the previous. Still some funny as hell shit. At least I hope you think it's funny as hell. So for now, enjoy the conclusion to the three part arc of Kaiser Chronicles "Dealing With Your Own Mortality". Next time you can expect much less seriousness and much more comedy.  
**

* * *

**Kaiser Chronicles**

**Chapter 4: Dealing With Your Own Mortality Part 3: Only losers fall in love.**

**Characters That Appear**

**MC: Kaiser "Kai" Wayne Odinson (Dragon Ball Z OC who I can imagine being voiced by Takahata101's Bardock voice)**

**Bruce Wayne (Batman Franchise/The Dark Knight Returns version voiced by peter weller)**

**Lady Shiva (DC Comics)**

**Alfred Pennyworth (Batman Franchise)**

**Joker (DC Comics/Batman Franchise)**

**Bane (DC Comics/Batman Franchise)**

**Killer Croc (DC Comics/Batman Franchise)**

**Misaki Kurokawa (OC)**

**Steven Maxwell (OC)**

**Compa (Hyperdimension Neptunia)**

* * *

**Last time on Kaiser Chronicles *Insert random recap theme* Kai was in trouble after Loki fucked him up by sealing most of his powers. Now he's gone to Bruce Wayne, the one and only Batman, to get help on dealing with his new found mortality. But now he's gone through 7 years of hellish training. And now he's on the last stretch. This last training will take a year to complete. At least that's what Bruce said. Now Kai finds himself strapped into a strange chair. Let's find out how he handles it. We'll find out whether he chokes like a shitty rapper, or he champions it like a boss.**

* * *

As Bruce prepares the strange contraption he speaks to Kai "This is it Kai. You're finally ready for your last test. As I said, this one would be the hardest of them all."

"Yeah. So what do i do? Take a field test? I can handle that." Kai says defiantly with a voice filled with confidence.

"That's far from it. You're going to be doing some very special training. I won't tell you what it is. But it will take you into a realm of training that you haven't experienced yet." Said Bruce as he lowered some lamp like objects towards Kai's head. "But I suppose you could call it a field test. Now get ready."

"Roger that." Replied Kai as he readied himself to accept what he thought would be an easy training for the year. But he was about to find out that it was far from it. He soon found himself dozing off. He soon ends up finally unconscious.

Shiva asks with a voice of worry "So. Do you think this will work?"

"If it doesn't then I'll have no choice but to take up the cowl myself again."

**As Kai awakes from his slumber he finds himself in an unfamiliar setting. He appears to be in a white hospital room. But he doesn't even know why he is there. But that isn't the only thing he can't remember. As he looks around the room, a woman comes walking in.**

"So, it's good to see you woke up. I'm the nurse. Compa. How are you feeling today?" Asks Compa.

"Uhh... Fine. But... I only have one question." Replied Kai with a voice of confusion.

"Yes, and what is that question?"

"Who am I? And why am I here?"

"Why... You are Kaiser Wayne, correct?" Asked a confused Compa.

"Yeah... I guess I am." Said Kai as he reached for what looked like a wallet. It had his picture in it and everything "What date is it?"

"It's March 25th 2013. You must be suffering from some temporary amnesia after suffering a nasty blow to the head at what was reported as a work related accident. What can you remember."

Kai gathered his thoughts as quickly as possible and had come up with some info and said "I remember I work for the U.S Government. I'm 25 and I work for the CIA. I... Think that's who I am."

"Good. you haven't forgotten everything. Can you tell me your birthday without looking at the wallet? And which city you are in right now? Asked Compa.

"December 1'st. I think. And I think I live in Gotham City."

"Good. Everything seems to check out. Well they are thinking of discharging you. Do you think you'll be okay?"

"I... I don't know."

"OH! If you want I can give you a shot! Here!" Compa says as she pulls out a massive unnaturally large needle "All it will take is a little prick on your bottom and I'm sure you'll be in perfect health!"

"No! No! I'm fine! MY ASS IS IN PERFECT SHAPE!" Kai proclaims as he hastily protects his ass from the might of the devilish needle.

"Well you should at least get some rest though."

"No... I can't. I have to go home. I gotta get home. I'm expecting my family."

"Well first we'd like you to sign these papers." Compa requested of Kai.

"Okay..."

**As Kai signs the documents he contemplates what it was that happened to him and why he doesn't remember what he was doing before coming to the hospital. He can remember all his personal information but can't seem to remember what he was doing at all. All he knows is that he is a skilled assassin trained to eliminate threats to not only the country but to local threats as well such as corrupt business men, and does some work with the CIA and no one knows besides him and the government and his family. So basically he is a contractor for the government. He is 25 and still has no family of his own, past his relatives. He lives in a cheap apartment despite being somewhat rich. The only living relatives he has are his mother, father, and grandfather. As he finishes with the paper work, he gets dressed and begins to leave the hospital. As he heads towards the exit he ends up bumping into someone in a wheel chair. A woman with long red hair and blue eyes.**

"Oh! I'm sorry. Didn't mean to do that. Sorry." Kai said apologetically.

"It's okay. I hope I didn't hurt you" Said the lady with red hair.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine."

"Good to know"

"Well I gotta go. I'll see you around or something."

**And as fast as the wind Kai had left the hospital for home, where his mother, father, and grandfather were waiting. But before leaving, the girl had told him her name. Her name was Misaki. Kai had learned that she was a Japanese foreigner who was visiting her brothers family in America. When Kai finally arrives home, he is greeted by his mother.**

"Hey, sorry I'm late." Said Kai as he hastily greeted his mother.

"Ah, good to see that you look all better. You had us worried there for a while. You were in the hospital for a week. Longest time you ever spent there." Said his mother who had long black hair all tied in a pony tail and dressed in a white dress shirt and some jeans.

"Yeah son. We brought over some food in case you were hungry." Said Kai's father who had slightly spiky hair that was somewhat shorter than his sons.

"Thanks. So where's grandpa? He was gonna show up right?"

"He's over there sleeping in your easy chair." Said his mother.

"THOSE GOD DAMNED VIET-CONGS!" Screamed the elderly man as he dozed back off into a deep slumber.

"He crashed right away when we got here. I guess the trip was a little much for him." Said Kai's mother.

"So what do you say we head out to see the local boxing match at the arena, after you eat?" Asked his father with two tickets at hand.

"I can't. I got a call on my cell phone from my superior. I got a lot of work to do."

"Oh alright. I just wish they'd give you some time off."

"I do to. But we gotta do what we gotta do."

"At least eat something first." Asked his mother.

"I will when I get back. Just wait. I'll be back before 7:00."

**And so Kai leaves to take care of the "Job" which pretty much means he got a contract to take care of. He brought with him the two weapons he uses the most. A pair of Ka-bar Bowie knives and a pair of nano tech Desert Eagles that could shoot out any number of rounds he needed. As he headed to his destination, what came to mind was not the mission at hand, but the girl in the wheelchair he met. But he quickly brought his mind back to the mission at hand as he reached the destination. He was being told to take out a corrupt business owner, named Steven Maxwell, who was known for dealing in the extortion of minorities.**

"Alrighty. Guess this is it now. But I'm wondering. How am I gonna get in there?" Wondered Kai as he noticed two guards at the front of the massive building.

**The guards looked like they were quite mentally ready to take on whatever challenge could come their way. Kai had to come up with a way to keep them from alerting anyone. So he quietly walked up to them in a calm and "natural" manner.**

"HEY! HOW YOU GUYS DOING!?" Kai said in a loud and energetic tone.

"Wha... Who are you? Identify yourself. Now!" Demanded the guard.

"You don't remember me? We met online!"

"Online? We don't remember talking to anyone online... Unless... Jerry? Do you think this is HIM?" Asked the guard speaking to his partner who was apparently named Jerry.

"OH! You mean the guy we asked for on ? Mike, didn't you say he would be Asian?" Said Jerry with a look of perversion on his face.

"Male hookers? Oh whatever Kai. Just roll with it." Kai thought to himself as he wondered what to make of this situation "Uh... Yeah! That's me! I'm supposed to be licking yo penises and jerkin you off and shit! I'm half Japanese!"

"Well why didn't you say so!? We're kinda in the middle of work... But I guess we could manage." Said Mike as he perversely rubbed his hands together.

"Great! but how about a three-way hug first! We should come to know each other more!" Asked Kai as he seemed to handle the situation with the calmness of an experienced male hooker.

"Okay! That sounds fine." Said Jerry as he readily prepared for "the hug of his life".

**As both guards reach out for the hug Kai quickly pulls out both his knives and knifes both in the spine severing their spinal cords.**

"Now stay there and sleep." Kai says as he heads through the front door without thinking whether there might be others inside "Alright! It's time to find that asshole and get this shit done!" Kai thought to himself.

A massive amount of guards then turn around while screaming for Kai to freeze.

"Uhh... House keeping?" Kai nervously said with a convoluted expression of fear on his face.

"Nice try! KILL HIM!" Demanded what looked like the lead guard

**As an array of bullets begin firing, Kai ducks for cover behind the steel lobby desk. As bullets fly past, Kai quickly pulls out a grenade and throws it. As the guards realize what he just threw they begun to try and duck for cover. But it was too late. Kai had taken aim with his pistol. Quicker than the eye could move he had fired his pistol at the still airborne grenade. As the bullet hit it it exploded and quicker than a bullet, Kai had once again ducked for cover. The explosion had caused many of the guards to lose their footing and fall to the ground. Many dropped their weapons. And as they got up to reach for their weapons Kai had begun to fire, killing all but one of them. Their commanding officer. Kai then ran towards the commander and grabbed him by the collar.**

"D-Don't... Kill me... Please?"

"Well... Since you said please..." Said Kai. But right after saying that... He shot him anyways after a slip up on the trigger.

"Oops. That takes care of that. Now all I have to do is make my way to the elevator and go up to the 30th floor and I should reach the stairs from there, leading up to the 43th floor."

**As Kai entered the elevator and proceeded to go up something else was going on in the bosses office on the 43th floor. The boss was playing a video game when a random guard came in screaming about the mess on the first floor**.

"Mister Maxwell! Mister Maxwell!" Screamed the random guard.

"What!?" Screamed a fat man in a white suit with a black dress shirt and no tie.

"Someone has killed all of our guards on the first floor! It was apparently only one guy!"

"WHAT!? How could only one guy kill twenty armed guards!?"

"Don't ask me!"

"Send in... Big Bob."

YES SIR! We're sending in for Big Bob right now!"

**Meanwhile back in the elevator, Kai is making the best of his situation with some personal elevator music.**

"Shot through the heart! And you're to blame! Darling, you give love, A bad name!" Kai sang as he went up the elevator. However; his merry time was cut short with the sudden stop of the elevator.

"Wha? Oh. Looks like I'm here!" Said Kai as he exited the elevator.

"Sniff... What is that god damn stench?" Kai said as he took a whiff of an odious scent.

**As Kai walked through a hall a massive figure came from around the corner. It was a giant man wielding something massive.**

"Whoa!? What the hell are you and... IS THAT A MINI GUN!?" Yelled Kai as he noticed the behemoth of a real mans dream weapon being wielded by an equally massive man.

"Big Bob... BIG BOB... KILL LITTLE MAN!" screamed the massive man known as Big Bob, as he began to fire his massive weapon.

**Kai quickly ducked behind a corner as the colossal neanderthal-like being continued to spray ammunition like wildfire. There was so much that Kai barely had any room to plan.**

"Now how the fuck am I gonna get out of this? I think it's time I use some of my knockout gas."

**With a small sphere in his hand, Kai rolls it over to his enemy. It quickly sprays out a gray mist that the moronic beast could not help but breathe in. And quicker than the blink of an eye the behemoth began to fall. As Kai made his way to the other side of the room past the hallway, hoping to find the staircase leading up to the next floor, he noticed something out the window.**

"I spy with my little eye... A chopper with a rocket launcher and mini gun... Wait. What?" Said Kai as he nervously noticed the giant airborne vehicle ready to fire it's rocket.

**Kai quickly ran towards the window screaming "Shit! shit! shit! shit! shit! shit! shit!". As he reached the front of the window and ducked for cover, to keep himself from being an easy target for the rocket, the rocket had gone right through the glass window and hit the other side of the room causing an explosion that rocked the entire room. The shaking causes the stair case to collapse in on itself and blocks the entrance to the next floor. Kai then jumps from the window and pulls out a grappling hook and hooks on to the airborne monstrosity. He then proceeds to make his way up the line and shoots the guard operating the mini gun. He then notices many guards waiting on the sides of the building, and proceeds to confront the pilot while pointing his gun at him.**

"Fly or die asshole. It's your choice. I suggest that you take what's behind door number 1." Demanded Kai as he readied his gun for the kill.

"Uhh... Yes... Sir!" Replies the scared shitless pilot.

"Good boy." Kai said as he grabbed the mini gun with one hand.

"D-Do you think you can operate that? With only one hand?"

"I do things with one hand all the time. Well... Most of the time I do. Sometimes I get the urge to beat it with both."

**Kai then begins to fire the massive murder weapon at the many guards on the side of the building. In a matter or seconds rows and rows of enemies were slaughtered into pools of blood. Kai continued to fire until finally he had run out of ammunition for the mini-gun. He then turned to pilot.**

"Bring me up to the top of the building and I might just let you live to beat your dick another day." Said Kai as he demanded cooperation from the pilot.

"YES SIR!"

When they reach the top Kai then proceeds to shoot through a window at the top floor. He jumps out barely managing to enter through the shattered window. Meanwhile in the bosses office a conversation is taking place.

"GOD DAMN IT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING!" Angrily said Steven as he saw the poor performance of his guards.

"I'm sorry sir! But our best doesn't seem to be enough!"

"IT'S ONLY ONE FUCKING MAN!" Yelled Steven as he angrily smash his hand on his desk "YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT ALL YOU TOGETHER CAN'T TAKE ON ONE SIMPLE MAN! YOU FUCKING RETARDS MUST STILL BE SITTING IN THE GOD DAMNED CAFETERIA EATING DONUTS AND FATTENING UP ON COFFEE WITH CREME!" Yelled Steven as he became increasingly Apoplectic "YOU FUCKING BASTA... What's wrong with you? Why are you just standing there like that?" Steven says as he notices his guard just standing there. But then his guard suddenly falls to the ground with a knife in the back of his head.

"That's not very good reinforcement for you men, you know." Said Kai.

"OH SHIT! LEAVE ME ALONE! I CAN PAY YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT!"

"Hmm... How much?"

"100,000! How's that sound!?"

"Make it 3,000,000." Kai said in a demanding tone.

"FINE WHATEVER! JUST STOP POINTING YOUR DAMN GUN AT ME NOW!"

Kai then quickly puts his gun back into his holster and takes back his knife.

"Okay. You got the cash?" Kai asked as he was eager to make some money.

"There's 5,000,000 in this briefcase. you can have 3,000,000 from it."

"Good to know. Now don't mind me but I'm going to be taking my 5,000,000." Said Kai.

"Wait, what!?" A shocked Steven said.

**As soon as Steven had finished his sentence, Kai had shot him right through the head. Now that he had finished the job and got 5,000,000 dollars in cash he was pretty happy. He then proceeded to take the fat man's dead body and jump out a window while hoping to land safely on the ground using him. As he landed safely and walked a good distance away from the building, he noticed a familiar figure in the dark of the night. It was the girl in the wheelchair that he had met previously in the hospital he was in.**

"Oh, it's you. you're... Kai right?"

"Yeah. You're Misaki, if I'm correct."

"Yeah, that's me! It's, good to see you again Kai."

"Umm... Likewise. so what are you doing alone here at night? Aren't you afraid that some freaks might be out to get you?"

"Well I needed to get some groceries."

"Well... You want some help? I could probably push you home."

"That sounds nice. I really appreciate this."

"No problem."

"I live in south Gotham at 12034 Apartment #19."

**As Kai proceeds to push her along the sidewalk he wonders what might have put her in this wheelchair to begin with. He then asks her what could have done this to her.**

"So Misaki. What put you in this wheelchair to begin with?" Asked a curious Kai with a look of curiosity on his face.

"I was always weak from birth. I can barely stand without having to fall over." Replied Misaki with a slight look of sorrow coming over her face, while still smiling.

"I see. Sounds rough. Well at least you're alive. That's something to be happy about right? Like a fat guy at an all you can eat buffet for Chicken Mc'Nuggets right? Man that was in terrible taste..."

"Hahahahahaha! I thought it was funny."

"Good to know."

As Kai continues to push her he tells more of his odd jokes. but she can't seem to help but laugh at them. Until finally they reach their destination.

"Well, I guess this is it." Said Kai as he readied to carry her up the stairs.

"I guess so. I can make it myself from here. They had a ramp mechanism installed for me."

"Okay then, I guess I'll leave ya to it then."

"Wait..." A shy Misaki asked.

"What?"

"Do you think... I could see you again sometime? I don't have many friends."

"Uhh... Well... I guess that's okay. Here. This has my address on it."

"Okay... Can we exchange numbers?"

"Sure."

"Thanks." Misaki said with a look of glee on her face and a smile that glowed with happiness.

**And so Kai left her to head home himself after exchanging information. On the way he dropped off all the money he just got from his latest kill into a bank account. And then he proceeded home. He reached home at about 6:00 PM.**

"Hey guys, I'm home." Kai said as he reached his own home in North Gotham.

"HEY THERE, YOUNG'UN! WHATCHA BEEN UP TO!?" Kai's grandfather said in a hysterical tone.

"Work, grandpa. You still dreaming about killing them damn Viet-Congs?"

"OF COURSE I AM! God damn Viet-Congs... Took my damn leg. AND MY SCOTCH TWO!"

Kai's mother then entered the living room and spoke "Alright, enough of that. Dear, I wish you would quit this job of yours. It makes me worry about your physical health and it makes me worry that you're gonna grow up to be just some murderer. You should really stop this. Killing isn't the answer."

"Look, it's fine. I'm not some mass murdering loon like some of the people I put down, mom."

"DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER! SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FIGHT FOR YER COUNTRY LIKE WE DO!" Said the hysterical grandfather who should have been locked up in a mental institution.

"Oh dad, just shove it. Let's just be glad he's here safe and sound and that we haven't heard about him on the news yet." Said Kai's father.

"Right. So what else happened? Normally you're not gone for this long."

"I... Met some girl and helped her get home..." Said Kai in a bashful tone.

"...EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?" Yelled his parents and grandfather in a hysterically shocked tone.

"You mean you met a girl and you walked her home!? Did you get her number?" Asked Kai's mother with a look of eager joy on her face.

"What about her address!?" Said his father.

"I got both of those..."

"DID YA FUCK!?" Kai's grandfather asked aggressively.

"NO!"

"Bah. You meet a girl and you ain't gonna fuck..."

"God damn it, grandpa. Not everything has to be about fucking when it comes to meeting a girl!"

As the family chatted about what had happened to Kai, nightfall came. It was time for the family to go home and to leave Kai to himself.

"Alright dear, make sure you get some rest. And don't waste the opportunity!" Said Kai's mother "Make sure you visit that girl! She may be in a wheel chair, but you said she was cute. So do what any sensible man would do!"

"Uhh... Treat her like a respectable member of society?"

"NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TA FUCK!" Said the hysterical perverted grandpa.

"Dad! Be quiet! People will wake up if you scream like that!" Kai's father yelled quietly. "Well we gotta go now. Bye son."

**Since that day Kai began to hang around Misaki at least once a week and became good friends with her while discovering that her last name was Kurokawa. And it had been 3 months since then. One day Kai called Misaki to schedule a get-together. It was a Saturday and they scheduled to go to a carnival. Kai arrived there a little early and it was a sunny day. Kai felt unusually ecstatic.**

"Hey, Kai!" Misaki said as she happily greeted Kai.

"Oh hey."

"A-Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah. Here, just let me push. You don't have to to tire yourself out." Said Kai as he began to push.

"Thanks."

And so they enjoyed a long day of rides, games, and at least three prizes were won. But there was one thing Kai had to do in order to make this day complete. There was one thing he had to do in order to feel complete.

"Wait. Before we end this day there's something I wanted to tell you." Said Kai with a bashful look coiling up on his face.

"...What is it?"

"Well..."

"Yes? It's okay. You can tell me anything."

"I... I want you to go out with me." Said Kai while thinking "God I can't believe I just said that".

I... I'll have to think about it... Misaki said with in a bashful tone.

That's... That's fine...

"There's just one last thing though. Can we take a picture in that picture booth."

"Uhh... Sure."

As they head towards the picture booth, Kai begins to wonder if he asked to quickly. But he also wondered how she would get into the picture with how she can barely stand.

"Are you sure this is what you want? You can't stand too well right?

"But you could just carry me and I can hold on to you."

"Okay. If that's what you want."

**And so Kai grabs hold of Misaki to support her while she raps her arms around his neck. They are about to have the picture taken. But then suddenly before the picture can be taken... Misaki leans in for a kiss on the cheek. Kai just stands there, still holding on to her, a little flabbergasted.**

"Wha... What the hell was that?" Asked Kai with a look of confusion on his face.

"My answer. I thought about it. I shouldn't have to spell it out for you now should I?"

"No. No you shouldn't." With a slight chuckle to him.

**And so from that day Kai and Misaki were dating. They spent at least 9 month's dating. But then one day Misaki finds out about the kind of job that Kai has. And she's not too happy at all about finding out that Kai kills for a living.**

"I can't believe it. You... You kill people for money?" Asked a flabbergasted Misaki.

"Yes... I kill people for money. I'm paid by the government to kill off threats to the country both internationally and locally" Explained Kai "... Look. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I couldn't. They would have locked me up if I just straight up told you it all."

"I know but... I just don't know if I can continue on like this thinking about the people you've killed. And then there's the fact you might be the one who gets killed."

"I don't know what to tell you. It's the only thing I'm good at! It's so far the only thing I can do that I won't get fired from in the first week. I never could maintain other jobs... I mean... It's not like I don't regret killing any of them. I'm just good at hiding it. In fact I have nightmares about it at least once a week."

"I'm going to have to think about this..."

"I... I understand. I'm going to get going now then."

"Okay... Don't... Don't kill anymore? Please?"

"I wish it was that easy".

**And so Kai ends up going to a local bar in order to drown his sorrows in beer. Unfortunately he does not get drunk easily. But then somebody came into the bar. Someone Kai recognized. It was a friend of his who works directly for the CIA code named Trigger Jack. Jack was his long time friend who always gave him information about his contracts. But this time he came and told him some devastating news.**

"Trigger Jack? What do you want? I'm in a bad mood." Said Kai with a slight tone of annoyance.

"Some bad news. Your parents and your grandfather were found dead." Jack replied with a grim tone.

"...What?" Kai said as it sunk into him what Jack had just said.

"Not only that but their house was burned to the ground. Based on my inside info, someone was pissed at you for killing Steven Maxwell." Said Jack as he began to spill what he knew "Seems like someone was in some kind of business deal with the fat prick. Now he can't collect on his end of the bargain. So he went and killed your parents."

**Kai then began to gather a look of rage that was unlike any other while breaking a beer bottle over his head. Yes. Over his own head. As Kai was filled with an unfathomable rage, he exited the bar and drove off to the site of his families murder. When he arrived there he noticed three black body bags were being taken away. He dropped to his knees and began to cry uncontrollably at the site of this. No more mother and father asking him how his day went. No more home cooked meals from them. And no more annoying perverted grandpa who everyone loved anyways. Then Jack arrived a few minutes after Kai.**

"I know. It's terrible. If it helps, I can tell you one other thing."

"What..." Asked an enraged Kai.

"Well... He left an odd calling card. A playing card to be exact. Seems to be the calling card of some local maniac who's escaped from Arkham Asylum on multiple occasions. He's killed over 300 cops and 20,000 civilians in under 1 month. And on the card there seemed to be something odd written on it."

"And? What is it. Tell me!"

"What is soon going to be black and blue? Your girlfriend when I'm through with you. From... The Joker. Come to the Gotham Life Building." Said Jack as he read the card.

"... Shit."

**As Kai's heart filled with dread at the idea of his girlfriend being in trouble with this loon who he was surely going to hunt down and kill, he contemplated ending his own life. But he couldn't do that yet. Not while the woman he loved could be dead soon. He quickly left the crime scene in order to go and obtain his weapons and supply's. He had no idea what he might be getting himself into. But he was not about to let that stop him. He left home now, on his way to the Gotham Life Building, fully ready to spill the blood of his enemies like a Fat geek ready to slay demon elves with his Level 70 Paladin.**

"So this is the Gotham Life Building." Kai thought to himself "From the looks of it there appears to be five guards at the front entrance and guards at every window opening. I'll have to enter through the roof of the building."

**Kai quickly readies a rifle with a grappling hook attached to it. He shot the hook precisely at the right spot and hammered his end of the hook in with the butt of the rifle in order to make a line he could cross. He calmly makes his way across to the other side and towards the building. He makes it across and proceeds to enter the roof's door to the inside of the beautiful building filled with criminals. While he quietly makes his way through the building he notices a row of armed guards standing along the window. As they keep watch for anyone else on the outside of the building, since they are expecting him to come through the front door, Kai has the element of surprise on his side as he rolls some small smoke balls towards them.**

**As they release a dark smoke that covers the entire hallway, Kai expertly mows them down one by one with his knives and making as little noise as possible. He then proceeds to toss a smoke ball under the door of one of the rooms and enters, sneaking his way in so as to not attract the attention of anyone in there. He then proceeds to kill off all the guards in the room. With them dead he then grabs a nearby phone and calls the police and tells them there is a hostage situation at the Gotham Life Building and with that phone call, in only a matter of minutes, Police are swarming the front of the building. The police are standing by trying to negotiate with the villains. This provides enough cover for Kai to sneak around without wasting smoke balls and time. Kai then quickly grabs a guard who was slacking off and proceeds to interrogate him in another room with solid walls to block off sound.**

"Where are they keeping the girl?"

"I don't know."

"DON'T YOU FUCKING LIE TO ME!" Kai furiously yells as he shoots the guard in the lap.

"Alright! I'll tell you! She's being kept in the basement of the building! They have her tied up there. I don't even know why that freak told us to kidnap her! He just told us one thing. "you always go farther than you have to with the punchline"

"That's a good boy ... Now consider yourself fired."

"NO! NO! NO!" The guard screams futilely as Kai shoots him right in the face.

**As Kai makes his way to the elevator nearby, the thoughts of what he would do to this so called clown called the Joker had begun rushing through his mind. He finally reached the basement where to his shock, he saw Misaki tied from a rope to the ceiling. But as Kai attempted to proceed close he heard a voice. A hysterical voice.**

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Jason Bourne. Oops, sorry. He's from a movie." Said the hysterical voice as he walks into the light from the shadowy darkness "So. How do you like your Christmas present!? It's spectacular isn't it!? Your woman tied to the ceiling! With a bomb ready to blow up at any time!"

"You must be the Joker huh? What do you want? Money? I can give you money. I have more money than you would know what to do with in a bank account.

"Oh please. I don't want your money, boy. Not anymore. Now I'm having just too much darned fun playing this little Christmas game with you! I think I'm going to be enjoying this a little bit more.

"You fucking lunatic!" Yelled a furious Kai.

"Oh baby, flattery will get you nowhere. Not until you meet my friends. Meet Bane and Killer Croc." Said the Joker as two large figures walk out from the shadows of a lower area "One's a Latin hired hand who's a junkie, while the other is a freak of nature that loves to hear bones crack in his hands!"

"You better pay up payaso loco." Said the massive behemoth of a man known as Bane.

"Uhh... Yeah. What he said." Said Bane's partner crock, in a voice that speaks only dumbass.

"I guess this is quite the gathering of circus freaks huh? So let me guess. Croc's the big tough stupid one?"

"HEY! You take that back!"

"Alright fine. You're not tough." Said Kai with a smug tone at the obvious reference.

"That's better..." Said Croc before it sunk in that he was just insulted as a moron "HEY!"

"Calm down retrasar lagarto." Bane said

"I'm gonna assume that was a compliment." Croc said with a look of confused annoyance on his face.

**And quicker than the two could blink Kai had readied his gun and shot a bullet straight for Bane's chest. But before it could hit, Killer Croc had jumped in the way. It appeared to bounce off of Croc like he was made of metal. The Joker then pulled a lever which dropped the combatants down into an arena. It seemed like it was built there recently. Bane quickly ran towards Kai smacking his weapons from his hands and proceeds to bear hug his opponent in an attempt to crush Kai. Kai then bites down cracking a device attached to his tooth releasing Mist and Kai then spat it into Bane's eyes. The giant was then overcome with pain in his eyes. His grip loosened, Kai had freed himself, and Croc then started to lunge at Kai. Kai had quickly dodged and proceeded to use advanced maneuvers to dodge and counter every one of Croc's attempts at attacking him. While this was going on Bane was flushing his face with water that was around the arena in what was like a moat. Croc proceeded to try more and more, but each time he tried, he was skillfully put back down. Eventually Kai managed to wrap his legs around the beasts head and snap his neck. Bane, who had recovered from the previous issue, then began pumping an unknown substance into his system.**

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Bane had screamed in agony as the substance began to maximize his muscle growth like instant steroids "HUFF, HUFF, HUFF, HUFF, HUFF! Prepare yourself mierda puta!

"How do you like it!?" Yelled the Joker in a hysterical manner "It's Venom! It's like Spinach for Popeye The Sailor-man except that you become as dependent on it as steroids! Our big fella here is a prime user of it and he's about to rock your world!"

**The giant massive behemoth that was already big, then began to charge at Kai. Kai attempted to shoot him after recovering his weapons but no matter how many bullets he filled him with, Bane continued on as strong as ever. Bane charged one more time at Kai, which connected to him and knocked him into the wall like a rag-doll. Kai, out of breath, had to think of what to do. As he continued to dodge the monster, he started shooting at the ceiling around where a massive light fixture was. He eventually lured the giant under it and made it drop onto the giant. The giant fell to the floor and as soon as he did, Kai shot at the sprinklers on the ceiling causing water to pour down, electrocuting the hired hand, knocking him out and giving Kai the perfect shot to shoot at his head. Kai then shot at the rope holding Misaki and caught her as she fell.**

"Misaki! Come one! Wake up!"

As Kai proceeded to lightly slap the girl awake she finally opened her eyes "Huh? Kai? What am I doing here?"

"It doesn't matter. Let's get out of here and go home." Said Kai as he held onto his girlfriend tightly.

"Okay..."

However; as soon as they had been reunited though, they had been separated again. The Joker had shot her close to her spine. Close enough that she would end up dead within the next few minutes.

"I... HATE... HAPPY ENDINGS." The Joker said with a snide tone "Oh well. I guess we can't all get what we want on Christmas! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The Joker laughs manically as he runs off into the lower sewer systems.

Kai then was filled with an extreme amount of rage he had never felt before. He had loved and he had lost now. With her last breathe Misaki asked Kai to listen to her.

Kai: HEY! COME ON MISAKI! DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!

Misaki: You know... I never told you this... But I like tree's.

Kai: WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS NOW!?

"I don't know. My dad took me on all kinds of trips. He always showed me the wild life he loved. And I loved the trees. And I would look at them in awe all the time. But... My favorite... Were the Baobab Trees. They were so beautiful. Works of nature."

"SAVE YOUR BREATHE! Just stop talking..." Kai said as he began to tear up.

"Don't... Let... This become a burden... Promise me one thing?"

"What..."

"Promise me... You won't kill... Anymore."

"I... I can't promise that. I STILL HAVE TO KILL THAT BASTARD THAT KILLED YOU!" Yelled Kai furiously as he wanted to gut the Joker like a fish.

"NO!" Misaki yelled before she coughed up blood "You have to stop... Please... I need you... To do it... For... Me...

**With those last words, Misaki had finally passed. Now Kai was even more determined to kill this maniacal clown more than ever. He took his family. But now he has taken the last thing from him. His first love. Kai then proceeds to follow the trail of laughter echoing throughout the sewers.**

"Where are you!?" Kai shouted as he attempted to track down the villainous clown.

"How about I come to you then!?" Yelled the Joker from a corner of the darkness.

**The Joker jumped out from the shadows attempting to stab Kai with a knife. They struggled for a while. Finally they fell into the sewer water where they were swept by the current, but were still in an unending struggle. But eventually Kai managed to get the Joker in the heart with the Joker's own knife. Kai then managed to pull himself out of the current and grabbed a ledge while gripping onto the lifeless yet smiling body of the Joker. Even though the Joker was dead Kai just continued to beat the lifeless body of the devilish maniac. He continued to punch the ever lasting shit out of him until even his knuckles bled. He did this for an hour before dumping the body into the sewer. Kai then proceeded to backtrack to where Misaki's lifeless body was. He took her with him and intended to give her a personal burial along with his parents. At the personal funeral Jack was the only one Kai asked to come.**

"I'm sorry about this. I know she was important to you." Said Jack in a sympathetic tone.

"You don't know the half of it." Kai said as he looked down at the grave labeled with Misaki's name.

"What'll you do now?"

"I don't know. I have nothing else to live for. I... Man. I feel really dizzy for some reason." Said Kai as he grabbed the side of his head with his hand.

"Are you alright? Do you need an ambulance?" Jack said in a distorted voice.

**As Kai faded from consciousness he then awoke in what was a familiar setting. He found himself in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber strapped to the same chair he had entered in the beginning of the story. And was greeted by Bruce and Lady Shiva.**

"Welcome back." Said Bruce.

"Was that all a dream?" Kai said in an effort to gather his thoughts.

"We'll tell you all about it."

**As Bruce and Shiva layed it out for him, he was told that the last part of his training was a dream sequence test. For one year he would be put into a special simulated dream sequence where his memories would be temporarily wiped. While there he would be given implanted memories. It was such an elaborate set up that only a few things were actually directly set up as parameters by Bruce. The rest acted like it was all normal. Even all the people put into the simulation by Bruce. The one thing that remained with him when his memories were taken, were the skills his body learned over the course of his previous training during the 7 years in the chamber. In a way it was a field test. But the one thing he truly forgot was the most important part. Not killing. He was supposed to stop after seeing how bad it could get. Tragedy striking him was what was supposed to teach him.**

"So I failed huh?" Asked Kai with a look of disappointment.

"You were supposed to stop at a certain point. Instead of seeing the error of a life of killing as your answer... You chose to kill your enemies in cold blood. Even after the tragedy that happened to you"

"So then... My father, mother, and grandfather dying?"

"All part of the plan. But it looks like you failed. So you're going to have to pack your things and leave. I have no use for a Batman who isn't complete."

**As Kai packs his things in his room, Bruce enters. He asked whether Kai was feeling well enough to travel on his own back to the school. But Kai could only ask more about the last part of the training.**

"So it was all some plan made by you huh?" Kai asked in a tone that was reminiscent of a child who was emotionally hurt by his parents.

"Yes."

"You just had to put me through all that?"

"If I didn't you wouldn't have learned. And even now you still haven't learned the most important lesson." Bruce said in a harsh tone.

"Then even that red haired girl, called Misaki, that I fell in love with that I dated? When the Joker killed her? When she asked me to never kill again?" Said Kai as tears started to come up on his face at the thought that all those emotions were fake.

"Girl? I don't remember putting any parameters for a girl with a name like that there. The Joker was only supposed to kill your mother, father, and grandfather."

"Master Bruce!" Alfred said as he came walking into the room.

"What is it Alfred?"

"I found something lying on the ground near your odd machine. It looks like a picture. Of master Kai and some red haired girl."

"Let me see that." Kai demands as he grabs it and stares at it.

As Kai stares at the picture of him and Misaki, which was the same one taken at the carnival, a news broadcast could be heard from the TV.

"This just in. A girl by the name of Misaki Kurokawa had just recently passed in Gotham City Medical Center." Said the news reporter "She was a girl suffering from an unknown terminal illness and was hospitalized for three years. And for the last year she's been in a coma. She finally passed at around 8:00 PM on December 25th 2013 in her sleep."

**After hearing all this Kai sat down on the bed and began stare at the picture.**

"Bruce!" Shiva yelled as she came into the room with a look of surprise on her face.

"What is it Shiva?"

"I know it sounds odd but... There appears to be a baby Baobab Tree growing outside in the garden."

"What!?" Said Kai and Bruce together as they were overcome with confusion.

**As Kai and Bruce head out to see the garden they notice the baby Baobab Tree. Those tree's don't grow in Wayne Manor let alone anywhere in Gotham naturally. Kai then dropped to one knee and stared intensely at the phenomenon of such a rare tree growing in Wayne Manors garden. He then remembered Misaki's last wish. He then raised his head and began to speak.**

"Uncle Batman?"

"Yes?" Bruce said looking at Kai eye to eye.

"I'm fucking ready for your title."

Bruce stared at Kai for a good 15 seconds, "Maybe you are." Said Bruce "And you can stop calling me uncle Batman. Go ahead and call me uncle Bruce if you want."

"I will old man..."

"Stupid young prick..." Said Bruce in a joking manner.

**Kai then was given the proper tools he would need to take on the mantle of Batman. Before leaving for the airport, since his space pod couldn't fit everything, he had asked Bruce to not let that tree die. Bruce promised to keep the tree in the garden and use every bit of science he could to keep it alive so long as Kai make sure not to let his life as Batman show in his normal persona. Kai himself chose that once every year he would visit the tree. Finally, Kai leaves on his flight back home.**

"Is he really ready?" Shiva asks in a skeptical tone.

"Yes. I can see it in his eyes." Bruce had replied with the utmost confidence.

"What about that picture?"

"We both should know that there are some things in this world that we can't explain. But whatever it is... We should be thankful for what it did. He's got the edge now that he needed before."

* * *

**From that day on Kai became the new Batman. And that is the story of Kai's training to be the new Batman. Phew. Now we're done with that chapter. Next time is going to be comedy comedy comedy. No serious stuff. Well... Maybe a tiny itty witty bit. So join us next time to see his return to school after 8 year... I mean 8 days in the real world.**


	5. Who will be the sidekick? Part 1

**This time were going straight back to the comedy. Last time was for a serious character development event with some jokes and shit here and there. Now it's back to the shenanigens. Enjoy. Or else I'm going to write something I know you'll hate! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

* * *

**Kaiser Chronicles**

**Chapter 5: Who will be the sidekick!? The time traveling 14 year old! Or the pure "maiden"!? Part 1  
**

**Characters That Appear**

**MC: Kaiser "Kai" Wayne Odinson (Dragon Ball Z OC who I can imagine being voiced by Takahata101's Bardock voice)**

**Jaden Yuki (Yu-Gi-Oh GX)**

**Syrus Trusedale (Yu-Gi-Oh GX)**

**Anonydeath (Hyperdimension Neptunia)**

**Prinny (Disgaea)**

**Neptune (Hyperdiemsnion Neptunia)**

* * *

**Last time, our hero went through some hellish kind of training and some dark shit. Long story short, he was put to the test, his girlfriend died because he fucked up, and big time. He then managed to convince Bruce that he was ready to become Batman. Now he's back on campus with his friends waiting for him. Time to continue the story. Now read it. READ IT NOW MIND-SLAVES! Please? Pretty please?**

* * *

As Jaden and Syrus sat outside looking at the road leading away from the campus, worrying about whether they would see their best friend ever again, they begin to speak about their past with Kai. They reminisce on past shenanigans that have happened with them before and such. "So Jaden." Said Syrus with a miserable mellowed out tone.

"Yeah, what is it Syrus?" Jaden responded in an equally miserable mellowed out tone.

"You remember what happened the first day we met Kai?"

"Yeah. We were both getting the shit beaten out of us by him because we pissed on him while he was napping on a bench in outside the campus."

"I... I completely forgot about that. But then later, he came to our rescue when were getting beaten up by that one jerk from that desert tribe that only has one male every one hundred years... I think."

"Oh yeah, there's that to."

"What about that time when he wanted to build himself a pipe bomb?"

"And he threw it into the principals office?"

"Yeah!. And then there was that time, when we were on a field trip with our dorm... And he took a shit on Duke Nukem's car!"

"Yeah! And then we scratched the words, HAIL TO THE KING BABY, with a knife." Said Jaden as a mischievous smile formed on his face.

"Man... Things are really dull without him here. There was so much shit we got away with when we hung around him. But now that he doesn't have any of his powers, he's lost that standing of his..." Syrus said as a look of disappointment coiled onto his face.

"Looks like it's the end of the road for us Syrus." Said Jaden as it began to sink in as to how boring life for them at the school would be without their precious meat shield "Besides. We never go anywhere without him usually."

"Yeah... Hey... Do you hear something bro?"

"Hmm? Yeah... I hear something. It sounds like an engine. Almost like a jet engine firing off."

**And as soon as they looked into the distance, they noticed a black vehicle coming towards them. AT UNIMAGINABLE SPEEDS! They thought they would die! But just as it seemed they would be road kill, the car came to a sudden halt. The massive car looked almost like a bat. But of couse since this was the one and only Batmobile that the legendary Batman would drive. But the hatch opened before Jaden and Syrus could admire it for long. And to their surprise, out popped a familiar figure. It was Kai, dressed in a black suit with no tie and a pair of black sunglasses with an unlit cigarette in between his lips. I swear that you could hear a Megas XLR theme called Hogan's Thing playing in the background. Or that could just be his radio playing it at the right time. Jaden and Syrus could do nothing but stare.**

"I'm back bitches!" Yelled Kai with a look of confidence in his eyes.

"ALREADY!?" Yelled Jaden and Syrus with a voice filled with utter shock.

"Yeah? So what?"

"But... You were gone for only 8 days! We were all metally prepared for you to be gone for at least a year!" Said Jaden.

"But what about that Batmobile? Isn't that a dead giveaway to your identity? Isn't Batman supposed to hide his identity?" Asked a skeptically curious Jaden.

"To the public, it's simple. An unknown buyer had bought the Batmobile off of Mr. Wayne during a private auction. At least that's what uncle Bruce told the press."

"Geez. And here I was expecting you to be gone for a long time."

"Well too bad asswipe. I'm back! Now get a move on! You must be dying to know what I was doing for only 8 days." Kai said while eagerly desiring to get to his dorm room.

"No. Not really." Said Syrus.

"...Excuse me?" Asked Kai "You're telling me you weren't curious at all as to what I was doing?"

"Well... Maybe a little."

"WELL THEN IT'S SETTLED! We're going to my dorm room to talk about it!" Said Kai as he hasilty ran off to his room.

"Sigh..." Jaden and Syrus sighed a sigh of relief as they see that their friend is back sooner than expected.

**And so our heroes arrive at Kai's dorm room and make themselves at home. As Kai unpacks his stuff and puts away everything that was given to him by Bruce, he then proceeds to talk about what had happened. He tells them about what he was trained in and what had happened to him in the dream sequence training and how it affected him.**

"You... You've got one crazy ass story bro." Said Jaden with a voice filled with disbelief.

"It's no story. It's real. At least to me it was..." Kai said with a sorrowful face.

"Uhh... Yeah... So you're saying that after going through the time chamber training, you went from being 18 to 26 years old?" Asked Syrus.

"Yes... At least I'm still leagally 18. And this school wouldn't expel me just because I got too old. There are people who are still in their 30's who aren't even close to graduating"

"Are you gonne be okay?" Asked Jaden.

"Oh I'm gonna be fine! My dead girlfriend wouldn't like it if I was moping all around like that!"

"Uhh... Yeah." Said Jaden.

**As they looked at Kai's face, he could tell there was something wrong with him. It wasn't depression. Nor was it anger. But there was something wrong with him. Was it just how he was now? Did he change that much? Or is he just coocoo banana's now? I'm gonna go with the latter.**

"Well now that I've been set back up here, it's time to head to bed. In two days I'll start my search." Said Kai with an energetic look on his face.

"Start what search?" Asked Syrus and Jaden.

"My search for a sidekick!" Exclaimed Kai.

"A sidekick?"

"That's right! No Batman is ever truly complete without at least having one sidekick at least once in his time as Batman! Now get take your bitch asses the fuck out so I can go to sleep!"

**As Kai boots out Jaden and Syrus in order to get a decent amount of sleep, he lies in bed contemplating what he would do in order to attain his sidekick. As he contemplated, he dozed off into a deep sleep. Finally the day arrives. He washes his face and prepares for the day. Jaden and Syrus were waiting for him as he exited his dorm room all prepared to find a sidekick. He had with him a sign that had "Now Hiring Sidekicks" on it, a large sack containing something, and had a megaphone. As they all left the dorm, they exited to the outer area where the grassy fields where many students were hanging around, waiting for classes to begin (Classes are only held once a week in this school). He then went to a bench in the center and sat his sign up onto the bench.**

"So what do you think you're going to do to even get a sidekick?" Asked Jaden "You have to find a way to attract people to your schemes."

"Simple... BEHOLD!" Yelled Kai as he pulled out a pair of black collapsable bat like wings from his large bag. He then proceeded to attach them to himself with backpack like straps and go around yelling through the megaphone "COME ONE, COME ALL! Come get the job of a lifetime! Become my SIDEKICK!"

**However; Despite Kai's attempts to attract people with his... "Charm"... People couldn't do much but give him odd looks. There was a lot of strange stuff that he was known for doing. But never something like this. This was new for everyone.**

"God damn it! Why is no one even trying to ask!? It's not like this school hasn't heard of sidekicks!" Said a furious Kai as he stomped his foot on the ground.

"Maybe it's the fact that you're dressed up in a pair of bat wings that's showing off your WONDERFUL CHARM." Said Jaden in an obviously sarcastic tone.

"Fuck off!" Kai yelled "That purple haired brat said It would work!"

"What brat?"

"Well it happened yesterday..."

* * *

_**Flashback POV**_

* * *

"Hmm... I wonder what I should do to attract people to my offering..." Said Kai as he contemplated on it "HEY KID!"  
"Yeah? What can I do for ya my spiky haired shounen action hero friend!?" Said an odd girl with directional pads for hair decorations.

"What do you think I should do to attract people to me when I'm trying to get a sidekick? I'm sorta doing a job offer."

"OOH OOH OOH! YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DO SOMETHING LIKE DRESSING UP IN A WEIRD COSTUME!" Said the energetic girl with the white mini hoodie "IT WOULD TOTALLY, LIKE, BE REALLY FUN IF YOU DID THAT! I BET PLENTY OF PEOPLE WOULD LOVE IT AND COME RIGHT TO YOU!"

"You sure that's gonna work on em?"

"NO PROBLEM! I'm sure it'll work like a charm!" Said the young girl while foolishly sticking her tounge out the side of her mouth and giving a thumbs up to Kai.

* * *

_**Return To Present POV**_

* * *

"And that's where I figured I may as well try and dress up as a bat. Since I'm gonna be the new Batman, I figured a bat theme would work well... BUT SHE FOOLED ME!" Yelled Kai furiously as he realized how retarded he looked doing what he did "But I guess I'll have to try and do something else. I could offer them something."

"Yeah and what would that be? Your body?" Syrus asked jokingly.

"Fuck no! I could offer them money."

"You must be kidding me. Like you could offer them enough money to pay someone for a full time job." Said a skeptical Jaden.

"I could."

"Yeah and how much?"

"$229.00 a day"

"...What?" Both Jaden and Syrus said as both their jaws dropped "...And how the fuck did you manage to come across that much money that you could pay them per day?"

"I get 30% of uncle Bruce's annual salary."

"And how much does that make you?" Asked Syrus.

"30,000,000 a year."

"...Fuck you man."

**And so after getting the money from an atm, and dropping his retarded costume into the furnace, Kai then began again with his campaign for a sidekick, this time with an assload of an offering of 229 US dollars a day. God damn it. He's fucking rich.**

"ALRIGHT YOU PRICKS! LISTEN UP!" Yelled Kai at the top of his megaphone.

As he got their attention with the massive shout, he proceeded to speak once more "So this is how it's gonna work! By the end of this day I'm gonna have a sidekick! By the end I'll have my sidekick tied to the bumper of my car if I have to!" Proclaimed Kai in a demanding and angered tone "But FYI, whoever is gonna be my sidekick is gonna get something in return!"

**As soon as the other students heard that, a look of interest developed on their faces as they pondered on what the offering just might be.**

"You will receive $229.00 a day as payment for being my sidekick!"

**Suddenly, the jaws of all the students dropped, and they began to rush over as if they had propellers in their asses! One by one they came rushing over to sign up.**

"Alright! Alright! Alright! HOLD IT!" Yelled Kai as he attempted to calm down the crowd "There's gonna be try outs first! Now get in a line and introduce yourself! Who's first?"

"Dat would be me!" Said a large man with literal snow white skin, massive muscles, long black hair like a rock stars, a battered, black leather biker jacket over a grey tee shirt, and skintight pants.

"And...Who might you be?" Asked Kai as he stared at the behemoth.

"Da name's Lobo, and don't you be forgettin it!" Replied Lobo "I'm the best bounty hunter you ever seen. Ever. And I'm gonna be your sidekick."

"You don't look like a student here."

"Does it matter?"

"I guess not. What are your skills?"

"I can crush any jerks skull in my hand like a chicken egg!"

"Next!"

"Wha... YOU CAN'T DENY ME! DO YA HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOU'RE TALKIN TO YOU LIMP DICK BASTARD!?"

"You know what, you're right. Put er there partner." Said Kai as he reached for Lobo's hand.

"Well okay then. Good to see..." Lobo said. But soon enough, he found himself being charged with millions of volts of electricity through a joy buzzer on Kai's hand, eventually knocking him out.

"Okay, somebody get this oversized piece of murderous biker garbage out of here." Said Kai as he demanded that the trash be picked up "Next!"

"Alright! It's my turn! Nice ta meet ya! I'll bet you wanting to know just who I am aren't ya!?" Said a man dressed in black and gold.

"I guess..."

"Well let my little floating friend here tell you exactly about the great legend! The greatest legend of all! Come on skeets!"

"Of course sir! This here is the one...The only...Booster Gold!" Said the odd floating mechanical creature "He's here from the 25th century, and he's here to do justice! He's the man you can rely on when you the American way needs enforcing! He's the man..." And as the mechanical contraption continued on with banter after banter about Booster Gold's "Legend", Kai continued to speak to Booster.

"So what are your skills"

"I can fly, take tons of damage, use super strength, generate force fields, time travel, hear and see far, and shoot lasers out of my hands!"

"You sound a little too overqualified to be a non powered heroes sidekick..." Kai said with a look of disappointment on his face.

"I thought you might say that! But you can't be too picky!" Claimed Booster Gold.

"So what are you in this for besides the money?" Asked Kai.

"Well, the fame of course! If I make it big in the past, then I'll automatically be big in the future! It's all in the fame!"

"Next!" Demanded Kai as he grew increasingly annoyed with the lack of decent auditions.

"But I'm Booster Gold! BOOSTER...GOLD! You can't just throw me away like I'm trash!"

"You are trash." Said Kai "You're worse than trash. You're a spotlight whore who only cares for fame. I ill need a man such as yourself fighting by my side."

**And quicker than you could say fuck, the wannabe hero was shoved to the side. aS Kai looked on to see the next one, he noticed noone was standing in front of him. All he could hear was a voice. "Down here." Said the voice.**

"Wha..." Kai said as he looked down. All he could notice was a strange cat like creature with a gold yen coin adorned on it's head.

"If you're lookin for a sidekick, then I'm just the cat for the job!" Said the cat with the coin.

"...Did that cat just talk?"

"I'm here to do justice and..."

"NO SERIOUSLY... DID THAT CAT JUST FUCKING TALK?"

"I'm not just a cat! I'm Meowth!"

"Meowth? From Team Rocket?"

"Dat's right! I decided to leave the Team to turn over a new leaf!" Proclaimed the odd cat with the human tounge.

"Yeah? Then why is it that I see Jessie and James sneaking away over by that atm?"

"WHAT!? MY COVERS BEEN BLOWN ALREADY!?"

"I was foolin." Said Kai

"Shit..." Said Meowth as he ran off with Jessie and James as they hit the road.

"Next!"

"How bout me dood? I'm a Prinny!"

"No penguins please."

"Crap dood..."

"Alright, NEXT!" Kai yelled. As the next person was about to step in line, a voice was heard.

**"When the darkness of evil is on the rise, **  
** We crash the villainous party! **  
** Our eight lights spring to the task, **  
** To save the world with courage and hope!" Said the voice as a red figure came crashing down! **  
**"With our powers combined we are, **  
** The Prism Rangers!" Said the man dressed in a red Sentai suit.**

"And, you might be?" Asked Kai.

"I am PRISM RED! The defender of truth and justice!" Said the one known as Prism Red.

"And what are your skills?"

"To be honest, I don't have many skills. I'm weak as dog shit."

"Then why are you here? I'm not going to train you since I don't have the time to train a complete noob." Said Kai as he looked upon Prism Red with utter disappointment.

"Well I'm broke. I haven't had a good gig in a while. So I need the money."

"Fine, here's a check for 30,000 dollars. Now get the fuck outta here."

"WILL DO GOOD SIR!"

"Alright...NEXT!" Yelled a furious Kai as he went and almost popped a blood vessel over the lack of worthy sidekicks. Suddenly, a massive looking figure appeared before him.

"Hi... I'm... I'm Fan-boy. I don't know which hero you are... But c-can I g-get your autograph? Said the fat boy wearing a green towel for a cape.

"...GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

"B-But I can help you... Do your taxes and..."

"NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!"

"Wha-What?"

"Just get the fuck out of here..." Said Kai as he booted Fan-Boy away from the area "Alright, let's get something straight! No more guys! Preferably girls!" With that said, half of the population just up and left the area. "Preferably girls of the ages of 14-16!" And then even more of the population left the area.

"Wait hold on! Why 14-15?" Asked Jaden.

"I'm not looking to partner with a girl who might think that we have something more than a professional relationship." Kai said with a stern look on his face "And I'm not about to hang out with little boys in spandex either. People will think things. The wrong kind of things."

"I guess that makes sense. I guess..."

And with that said

"Hello." Said a young 16 year old looking girl with long blonde hair and a white outfit decorated with light blue designs, and a gold choker with a red gem around her neck.

"You look like your 16." Said Kai with a look of skeptiscm on his face.

"I am. but can't you afford to let it go this one time?" Asked the innocent looking blonde.

"I guess. What... What do you hope to accomplish with this job?"

"I want to be as hepful as I can to good people all around the world."

"...Tha...That's pretty good. What's your name? And what about your skills?" Kai said with a look of hope on his face.

"My name's Collete! I can use these chakrams to slice up any obstacles! And I'm pretty strong despite how I look!" Said the innocent Collete.

"Well, we'd have to work on that. We don't kill any of our enemies when you're working with me." Kai said.

"I'd be glad to oblige that!"

"Good! Then what about your experience?"

"I helped to save my planet of birth from a crisis!"

"Alright! I think you just might be the one!"

"Awesome!" Said the excited Collete.

"Then I just need you to sign these papers!"

"Okay... OOH!" Yelled Collete as she tripped over nothiing. And accidentally threw her chakram at Kai's skull.

"...I think we're done here." Kai said as he pulled the chakram out that was fourtunately not deep into his head "All of you can leave now...Some people just don't need a sidekick."

As Kai was beginning to pack things up, another auditioner walked up to him "Hey there, you still doing auditions?" Said a pink colore floating robot like entity.

"No."

"Oh come on. Just one more?"

"Look I'm not doing them anymore. And you do remember that I said only girls right?"

"I've got beer with me. No one has to know... It's my little secret if you let me audition."

"...Alright. You win." Said Kai "So what's your name?"

"Anonydeath. It's a name befitting a pure maiden such as myself."

"...What?"

"A pure maiden. I'm may look manish and may biologically be a guy under this power suit, but I'm a beautiful girl at heart."

"This isn't the weirdest thing that I've come across I guess..." Said Kai as he looked discontent "So just tell me what your reasons are and what your skills are."

"I need the money."

"For what?"

"to continue paying for my software and all of my hardware that I use to spy on my one true love." Said Anonydeath.

"...Whatever. Not the worst thing I guess. I'll deal with that later if I feel like it. Your skills?"

"Aside from being quite strong compared to humans, I'm an excellent hacker and computer wizard."

"Sounds okay I guess. I guess you've got the job..." Said Kai.

**But then suddenly another voice called out to him. As Kai looked around to find out where it was coming from, a portal suddenly opened up from in front of them. It looked purple in color and seemed to be a portal into the space time continuum. As Kai looked at it wondering what the hell it was, a young girl looking to be about 14 walked out of it.**

"That will not be neccessary. Because I'm the one who's going to be taking this job." Said the young 14 year old girl.

* * *

**Who is this mysterious girl (In case you can't tell)!? Will this girl be the one to become the sidekick? Or will it be the pure "maiden" who becomes the sidekick!? Find out next time to see who becomes the sidekick to the new Batman! YOU BETTER TUNE IN! IF YOU DON'T, THEN I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR SOUL!**


End file.
